The Four Horsemen, Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling, are indicators that a relationship has difficulties. The term Horsemen was coined by Dr John Gottman. How do we handle these in a relationship when an argument begins?
Criticism – Sometimes is the ringleader
A slow startup technique can be helpful if you can recognise that criticism has entered into your negative interaction cycle. Stop and pause and move to the slow start-up technique given below.
Well, a ‘slow startup’ technique can be very helpful. This involves the following three steps, 1. I am feeling (I statements deescalate). 2. About what 3. And now this is what I need and or want.
This technique moves away from blame, and criticism. It also is an implicit invitation for you to engage with your partner’s feelings in the present moment without feeling accused.