I do not wish to generalise too much but for the sake of brevity, I will to convey my message quickly.
Couples often leave therapy until the situation is verging on collapse, it becomes a last-ditch attempt at saving the relationship.
I would encourage couples to think about therapy before it reaches this point. When you have a feeling that something isn’t right and it’s only small at the moment. Unfortunately in the main scenario, leaving it too late, couples arrive with a list of problems and look at a therapist as a person who will tell them what to do.
Maybe we could consider this as a regression to a child-like state. The problem is, you are adults and I have no intention of telling you what to do! Let me lay it out in plain terms what a therapist sees and what could be done.
He sees an interaction between two people but at a deeper psychological level. The problem is revealed quite quickly to the therapist and mostly it’s a problem the couple would not see clearly, unconscious attachment styles.
The therapist has just met the couple and the relationship with them takes time to form and that’s expensive and time-consuming. It’s only when the therapist’s relationship with the couple is fully functional and trust is established that a therapist can lay things out and the couple can consider what is being said in a more stable situation.
So you see if a couple arrives as a last-ditch attempt, time is short, and the pressure to create relationships in the room is under as much pressure as the couple’s relationship. This is basically the problem for the therapist when confronted with a last-ditch attempt. Lay the information bare, ‘this is your problem’ and risk the relationship by acting too soon, Or work on the relationship between the couple and the therapist when there is so little time left.
I would suggest not leaving it too late. I see couples online and an initial session with you both could prove beneficial.